Republican's Scheme to Bribe Americans

Question: With faltering congressional and presidential approval ratings, a White House cabinet stocked full of Ex-Oil Executives, record profits for Oil Companies, a spike in gas prices, and the 2006 Midterm elections looming... what's a Republican to do?

Answer: Give Americans a $100 "Gas Rebate".

So where is the $100 rebate coming from? Are we taking the money from the Oil Companies' windfall profits?

Nope, it'll come from our TAX Money (or from our deficit, which means they're borrowing the rebate now and our TAX money will be used to pay it back later, with interest.)

I can't help but think of bread and circuses here, folks. People are upset with our Republican "leadership", so instead of addressing the problem (which they can't because they're in bed with the oil companies), they just throw around some Benjamins as a sort of "hush money" or bribe.

But there's a catch (isn't there always)... the proposal also contains a provision to open up ANWR for oil drilling, cause senior Republican Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska (yes, the same Ted Stevens building the alaskan Bridge to Nowhere, and the the same one who brought the Oil Executives to testify then refused to have them sworn in to testify) has a boner for ANWR oil.

So, this is the "solution" the Republican Senate proposes to alleviate our energy crisis: We know you need gas and we've let the price at the pump get out of control, so let us drill in ANWR, and we'll give you $100 of your own tax money as a "rebate". And we'll tie this proposal as an amendment to an emergency spending measure that funds the Iraq War and Hurricane Katrina rebuilding, that way if the Democrats vote against it, they don't support our troops and they're "dragging their feet" to help out the Katrina victims.

Tell them we don't need their bribe, and let's send this group of incompetent miscreants packing in November.